Rejection hurts. I spent over a year after completing a manuscript full of controversy and honest lies trying to fit that out of the box work of art back into a package they’d accept only if my voice was disguised. Publisher rejection, editor inspection, even a few family and friends gawked cautiously at my abrasive attempt at honesty. To be true to my voice that in the beginning was shaky, lost, angry and scared when found meant I had to let its rawness out.
Letting it stay a bit unedited, unrefined and natural with words that can’t be found in a dictionary, long sentences full of emotion, allowing feeling to flow freely unrestricted by linguistic rules, and choppy parts where pieces of my heart braved it up to place the pain in view was daring.
How do you polish back that raw emotion enough to present it properly? In the end, I decided you don’t. You let it be what it was and you publish a book on your own. Letting the unprocessed words be shown, leaving the shaky legs of an author not sure where this would take her and allowing the paragraphs that may not have perfectly flowed to stand on their own.
I did not write this book for the perfection in us. I wrote it for the parts that pain us—the parts that don’t fit in the box, that have been rejected and fear they may never be accepted. I wrote it for everyone who has a dream that when they finally decide to follow may end up with an imperfect work that’s perfectly perfect in my book.
Of course I would be rejected by programmed judges. I completely lost my voice to them. Finding it was a catastrophic event walking blindly feeling my way not knowing where I was going or even where I would end up. I have presented my journey as honest as my humanness would allow me, even showing the difficulty in finding my words. So to be rejected by their perfect construct is now quite an honor in my world.
Their rejection forced me do it all myself; the proof reading, the editing, the polishing, the graphic design, the book cover layout, the interior design, e-book conversion, web page…..all of it is mine. I did it! And I am publishing this book no matter where it lands me.
Rejection hurts. But like everything that has come at me with knives—I am learning to see the cuts as wise wounds showing me what’s inside. I no longer care to be accepted by the mass assembly. It is now quite an honor if the judge in you rejects me. ~ Juls ❤
Juls is the author of THE YEAR OF THE FROG:A Tattletale Fairytale available on Amazon, Kindle, iBooks, Scribd, Kobo, Ciando, Flipkart and more. PachaMama Prattle is coming soon. It’s a collection of letters, stories, poetry and activities for big kids to co-create, meditate and awake.