Why would anyone spend two years of their life working sometimes 14 hours a day to complete a dream she had as a little girl and then choose to publish it under a different name? Having a pen name is not about hiding or being something I am not, but being something I am. It is a way for me to honor my soul and the little girl inside who loves pretending. She always used a pen name—her real name shortened to “juls” then followed by a little heart she drew because that is who she believed herself to be before life taught her differently.
That little girl loved freely—all people, animals and every ounce of Mother Nature. But the one she loved tremendously was her very own reflection. She wrote passionately about all the things she loved having confidence in her words and love ability. There was no reason to ration, she had plenty of love to share from the start. No matter how much she gave there was always more amor inside Juls and her little heart.
I have always shortened the names of the people I love so it is a way to show I have come back to loving me and my dream. In addition, it helps me take off my hat at the end of the day so I can relax, travel, explore and still have my solitude I have learned to adore. And then in my book, THE YEAR OF THE FROG, I’ve written about an immense spiritual connection to the name I discovered while working with Shamans in Peru.
But the biggest reason can best be explained by the day I was called to the stand of my second divorce trial. My lawyer had not prepared me. I sat there shaking as they swore me in. The judge explained that my lawyer failed to add a name change clause so he would write it. With his pen in hand, ready to write, he turned to me saying “my dear, what would you like your name to be?” Shaken and confused I blurted a programmed response, “my maiden name please”.
I left numb but the question the judge presented swirled in my mind like a Texas tornado clearing a path for change. It was not until the shock of the trial wore off that I sat contemplating and researched divorce name change that I realized I had a choice. I could have said anything—a name meaningful to me. I can be anyone I want to be!
And who I want to be is the girl who ran away to this amazing foreign country full of ever changing nature and healing energy. The girl who has friends like you and writes you stories to read from her soul. The girl who signed all her poems and drawings of rainbows and butterflies with Juls and a little heart because she liked her style. I want to be the girl who walks in the room and you instantly feel better because you know I love you. I love you raw and flawed whether you or happy or sad.
So many of us turn away from those in need because we yearn for love and unconsciously believe a heart aching can’t fulfill that need. But in coming back to the real me I’ve realized I don’t need love; the little girl in me just wants to be love. Thus the pen name Juls Amor, that I intend on signing Juls with a little heart! Juls ❤