Another holiday crept in slowly to try and exasperate my lonely. Thankfully these coupledom days are less harsh in my little country where mega-stores pushing materialistic romance are unlikely. Still loneliness begins to burn days before the date to prove to me I am human and may always wish for a mate.
Like me, you may be sick of hearing, “If you don’t love yourself you can’t love someone else”. I never really knew what that meant. But sweetheart, I finally can say without a doubt, I’ve found it to be true. Forcing myself to be alone, I discovered love lives inside that room.
It’s hidden deep within the dark space of lonely. Walking into that cold silent room hurt. It seemed there was no out. The heavy black weighed me down so I felt I couldn’t emerge. It is no wonder no one stays there long. It is scary and depressing. Thoughts of past pounded down confidence forcing me to consider my own flaws. Things I did not face back then hung on the dusty walls.
I fumbled about in the absence of light not sure what I was touching. Things emerged I had for forty some odd years been stuffing. I tripped and fell on stuff I couldn’t name inside the black of darkness. But I knew unless I stayed to clean up all the cobwebs, the accumulated gunk would keep rendering me loveless.
Most people never stay in the dreary room long. They find ways to escape it. Alcohol to ease the stress, drugs to numb the mind, consuming self with things and work to busy the alone time. I made relationships where there were none to keep my mind abstracted. But I only felt fleeting peace because fake love distracted.
Forcing myself to stay alone I had a great discovery. The hard room of truths taught acceptance of stuff I once labeled faulty. The light seeped in and perceptions of negativity were changed. The things I despised became my trophies and the room was rearranged. The dirty pictures on the walls were cleaned from judgement’s dust. And I sat in awe of my story and in the new God I trust.
The light filled room now warms my heart in love without conditions. I am eager to enter and gain the wisdom of soul’s intuitions.
The dark room of lonely only feels bad because it’s that blunt and honest friend. It’s trying to force us to face our story and see what lives within. It’s the friend that asks hard questions—Are you in love, is it attraction or are you in distraction? You can come out all you like but you must return to find the light. If you do you’ll begin seeing you were never seeking love of another, but of your very own being.
What the narrow mind rejects, wisdom accepts. Divine love respects. Your lonely room becomes beautiful solitude. Love is not to be taken or given. It’s your state of being when you accept your truth.
On this Valentines make a vow to you. Go into the dark room. Face your soul’s challenges. Stay until you love you so much for all you’ve been through. Treat your own true story with compassion and unconditional love for you. You will know you are there when every outside thing you used to cling—money, stuff, acceptance and even another’s love mean nothing to your state of happy because joy becomes your default.
All of a sudden it clicks that life loves us the way we love ourselves inside that room of lonely. You will find peace and a deep sense of divine knowing. And you will walk proud into your room to connect to the one above, with a sweetheart full of knowing that only the lonely love. ~ Juls ❤
Juls is the author of THE YEAR OF THE FROG:A Tattletale Fairytale available on Amazon, Kindle, iBooks, Scribd, Kobo, Ciando, Flipkart and more. PachaMama Prattle is coming soon. It’s a collection of letters, stories, poetry and activities for big kids to co-create, meditate and awake.