It exists

11/11 New Moon – The day of truth.

I’ve always said the reason we all tend to write, dream and think the same way when we honestly get to the heart of things is because the truth is the same. Confucius, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus, You, Me…. The truth is the same!

When the veil lifts and soul awakens there is an immense freedom in not only speaking the truth, but in feeling it too. I did an experiment recently. For almost two months I awoke each day and constantly checked in with my heart. Was it feeling love? If it was not, I made a change until I felt my own love.

I decided to do this for the soul purpose of giving my feelings some credit over thought.  Thought was my profession. I was a therapist, board certified in brain things and Cognitive Behavior therapy. When I left that profession, I left pissed. I was pissed at my brain. I was angry that I had every tool at my fingertips to train and induce a happy cognitive state, yet I was not happy.

If you believe in manifestation of dreams, then you’ve probably tried thinking them into reality until you are blue in the face. But what I discovered is that it has not much at all to do with thinking. In fact our brain is so primitive in it’s development it still reacts daily to it’s original job of surviving—pumping negative thoughts to warn and keep us living.

It does not like new. It likes the same. New scares the brain. So to introduce new dreams felt like shooting myself in the foot. The brain likes routine. That is why of the 60,000 thoughts it makes, most are the same as yesterday, and more than 90% are negative to keep with it’s job of warning.  Guess what? Something like 99% of those thoughts never come true! (don’t quote me on that, I don’t read medical journals anymore, thank God ) Point is, your brain is a big fat liar!

So for almost two months, I checked in with my heart, not my deceitful brain. I worked on feeling. On being honest with what I was feeling and if it was sad, comforting and loving me until I felt my love again. I wrote a ton. I meditated, did yoga and spent more than 90% of my day outside under a tree where my heart felt the most at ease. Miracle upon miracle began to enter my reality. I was not thinking of my dreams, I was merely feeling good in the moment appreciating what was already my reality.

I ended up in Peru not long after on a one-way ticket purchased with the last of my airline miles. I had checked the miles a week prior. I did not have enough but on the day my heart said go, I checked again and my 10,001 miles got me there with one precious mile to spare. The limited miles would only get me the crappiest of flights with long layovers and even an overnight. My mind hated it.

My heart stayed in love. I graciously accepted a ride from a friend who drove me the four hours to the airport and even fed me. This is huge for me, I am working so hard to receive. In fact, my new mantra is “I am open and ready to receive.”

It is no coincidence that in the Costa Rica airport, I was informed my airport tax had already been paid and thus I would get to keep the almost equivalent $30US in Colones change. It was heavy in my pocket and although I could have exchanged it for Soles, I went on to my gate to follow my heart that needed a rest. The massage chair set up at my gate with a special for the exact amount of change clanging in my pocket resonated with the feeling in my heart. I took the gift of massage knowing by loving myself completely the miracles would continue to seek me.

Next long stop, the Lima airport where the thought of sleeping on the floor challenged my mind. She hated it. I have learned to not despise my brain for all its unnerving signals and warnings. Now I comfort her, thank her for being on top of things, and gently tell her “I’ve got this, I will call on you when I need thinking.”

I was exhausted. The fact there was a 24hour spa with prices in Soles I could afford, was more than welcomed by my heart. Of course my brain tried to tell me I had just had a massage the day prior, and I am on limited income, but I thanked her and did what my strong heart wanted.  Besides, I could get an hour of much needed sleep while being massaged sweetly. When it ended, I was fully prepared to move to the hallway floor but the massage therapist insisted I stay. She gave me a warm blanket and eye mask whispering “until another client comes, sleep. This is your space.”

Maybe I am lucky or maybe my heart exercise is bringing me things better than my limited mind can dream. I know the limitations of my brain. For me to think and try to manifest anything is simply not working. The universe has bigger plans for me. If I am constantly thinking what it is I think I want, I am dampening the immense miracles my mind is programmed to not believe. In faith there is something bigger than me that knows what I need more than me, I made a vow to allow the universe to have it’s way with me.

My miles were not enough to place me on the airline I normally use so they placed me on their “foreign” partner. I recalled the feeling of first class as I made my way past to my seat in the back that was larger, softer and cozier than any coach seat I had ever flown. The meal served was fresh and even included green tea and red wine flowed freely to all passengers. We were even given pillows and blankets, something “my airline” had stopped doing years ago.  I remind myself that when you follow your soul, all life transpires to keep you inspired.

I knew Peru was where I needed to be before I even stepped foot in the country. Even the protest going on in Cusco that prevented the taxis from running could not wipe the feeling of love from my heart as I grabbed my luggage and walked to the center of town. It was a moment in history I was glad to be a part of.  To witness the old Shaman standing on the court steps proclaiming “our earth cannot be bought” was a cherry on top of the fact that the people peacefully won.

I headed to Pisac and Paz y Luz where miracle after miracle continued. My mind knew nothing of what I would experience gathering with twenty others from around the world. It did not even shock me that the group consensus was to spend two days living from the heart!

No plans, each of us intuitively contributing the gifts we knew in our soul, but coming from a world of mind, had been hiding for a long, long time. We healed the water, each other, our hearts and our world with dancing, painting, yoga, meditation, chanting, oneness blessings, womb healings, sound, nature and unconditional love. Oh, the unconditional love.

Slowly we each spilled our guts and not one person reacted to our mental torture in any form or fashion the way we ourselves had mentally beat ourselves up. There was love beyond love, beyond love and it was not found anywhere but our wide open hearts.

Back to my 2 months of under the tree, living from my heart and writing prior to leaving for Peru. I had been writing a new book of poetry.  I had been outdoors everyday, connecting to wild nature. I began to feel very wild. My heart was yearning for tribal sounds. So I googled tribal music and an album with the picture of a drum and two hands came up. I did not pay much attention to the artist, there was no face. I just loved the music.

There was one poem that seemed to flow freer than anything I had ever written to the beat of this artist’s drum. I found great joy in practicing the poem out loud to the beat of his music. There was a beautiful buzzing feeling in my heart of pride for my accomplishment and love for myself for allowing me this play time. I probably read it out loud five times a day to my imagined audience. It felt that good.

Cut to closing ceremony preparation in Peru. I decided to read that poem out loud. I mean here is the audience I dreamed and I know these loving people will in no way judge me. I asked Diane if she knew someone who played drums. She smiled, “I think I know someone. I’ll set a meeting up.” That evening at dinner the drummer arrived and I began to explain to him the sound I had been listening to while composing the poetry.

He was so cool in the way he appeared to instantly understand what was I was saying……
“There is this drummer, he also tells stories and his drumming increases in intensity. I wrote this poem….” The look in his eyes sent a signal to my heart and all of a sudden it hit me. I was explaining this man’s talent to the man himself. It was him! I screamed like a love struck school girl when he left the room.

And one day later I am around the closing ceremony fire with twenty amazing healers from all over the world and a woman who just so happened to be at Paz y Luz with a friend who read my book, The Year of the Frog. They came to experience the magic. Those two women have no clue how much their showing up saved me from completely burning and stopping production of the book. They treated me like the famous author, I had pretended to be the day prior in a ritual of healing. Their presence may be one of the greatest miracles in changing my past patterns of destroying the things I create.

The fire blazed with healing flames. My little drummer boy played with perfect timing, and I read out loud my rawest poem to the audience I’d dreamed not in my mind, but in my heart feeling.  In reality, it was a feeling as scary as hell. It is the raw truth our soul dreams for us. The dancing in front of the mirror naked feel good feeling that bursts into screams when you realize you are not alone. It was a freedom feeling being able to do and be and feel the truth of my soul’s yearnings. It was me being me, no mask to numb the underlying feelings.

From this point forward I dare you to be brutally honest with your everything. The hardest part will be honesty with your feelings. Get to the heart of things. We’ve been cut off from the heart for so long.  But, that is where the truth is the same.  Stop relying on belief and start depending on feeling. Beliefs are just thoughts you’ve thought long enough.The heart does not think. It feels.

I’ve included a quote from my memoir, The Year of the Frog. It was written at a state in my life I was still searching for love—“Something in my heart misses a love I’ve yet to know. The fact I miss it, makes me think it exits.”

It exists. It lives deep in the crevices of the heart you once knew. It is dying for you to turn and face it, to see it, to feel it, to find deep compassion for it and the journey it lives. It’s a love so strong it will never rest because it beats inside your very own chest. It will never lie to you. Follow that feeling and you will find the love you crave. You will be the love you crave.  It is the love that dreams are made of. It is the love that connects us all. It is the truth of what your divinity deserves. It is the feeling that does the manifesting. It is my name. It is your name. Because at the heart, the truth is the same.  ~ Juls Amor​ ❤

intimacy
julss

Juls is the author of THE YEAR OF THE FROG:A Tattletale Fairytale available on Amazon, Kindle, iBooks, Scribd, Kobo, Ciando, Flipkart and more. PachaMama Prattle is coming soon. It’s a collection of letters, stories, poetry and activities for big kids to co-create, meditate and awake.

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