For five years now I have worked to better myself while staying single. Well, single as one can be as Goddess and full to the brim with loving energy. Basically, I’ve not had one man in five years verbally call me “girlfriend” and mean it romantically.
Don’t even for one second feel pity for me. I wanted this. I left alone to follow my soul. I moved away to a rural beach village in Costa Rica to write. I traveled to Peru, India and Thailand to heal in “unconventional” ways and study spirituality from views I’d not known. It was work I had to do on my own.
I’ve been told we are all one. I have seen and felt the oneness so strong my human body could barely handle the love of our collective soul.
Through ancient rituals, I have experienced myself in past lives. I have met my grandmothers who passed decades ago, and both grandfathers whom I never met this life because before my birth they died. I met them. They encouraged me to let go of guilty energy and live life fully. And they insisted that the love I seek lives inside of me.
I have been told countless times by Shamans in Peru, Monks in Thailand, and Ayurvedic healers in India that self-love is priority.
I spent my childhood seeking that loving, healing feeling in churches. Until I was a teen, I always went with the best of intentions. And as an adult, I truly sought divinity in all the different churches I attended.
As I pulled away from the Control of Religion – “Controligion”, I found ways to melt the guilt and peace began to soften my heart for the love of me. I discovered something unspoken, a secret that’s been disguised and hidden for centuries. “Controligion” guilted the Goddess out of me. I am beyond convinced our sexuality is divine energy.
I tried the celibacy thing. For over two years—nothing. And then when that craziness eased, I went full force into making every sexual encounter spiritual and loving.
Guess what ladies? No matter how hard I focused on my spirituality and seeking mates with zen qualities, I ended up with humans—flawed and often speaking untruths to sleep with me. One of the zennest men I was with ended up in prison! (That story can be read in my memoir “The Year of the Frog“)
I want love. I want a deepness that could last a lifetime. I want a divine connection. I want a spiritual man to go to sexually divine places with me. I want it just as bad as the peace I used to seek in organized religion.
But I am living among human men who hurt, and hide and have been f’n programmed to believe they must do, achieve, succeed, protect and serve while never bleeding a word of feeling.
Am I supposed to go back to the celibate days? Am I supposed to curb my divine sexuality because no one is going there with me?
Not this lady.
Connections enlighten me. Relationships reflect me. I learn and expand my loving ability with every romantic moment given me.
When I was younger and truly seeking spirituality in church, I did not go for the person sitting beside me. My experience was not enhanced if others were there wholeheartedly. It was my experience. I could go alone or I could go with company.
Of course, I want spirituality in all my experiences. I want a man to be so perfect for me I am able to melt freely into my sexual divinity.
Ask a million questions. Go on countless dates to assess if he is the perfect mate. I have done it. But can we ever really know?
Is this church it? Or is it that one?
Is it in this spiritual country, this sacred site, this divine crystal, this rock I found on the beach, or in the energy I feel when I let go completely?
It is. It is everything. And when you empower yourself with loving energy, you will experience everything as divinity.
It is why I walk into my sexuality with every partner believing it to be spiritual. It is for me. And I have a sacred experience on my own by believing in my own divinity.
If he felt the power while attending church with me fantastic, but I am no longer dumbing down my own ability to experience bliss if the one beside me is not in “church” for holiness.
I want the experience to be enlightening and so I let it be, even if it only enlightens me. With a man or on my own, ringing my own damn bell from now on.
We are in charge here. We have so much more power than even those claiming “enlightenment” know. If something feels good down deep in your soul—light your candles, burn your incense, meditate, chant and dance. Let go of negative energy surrounding sexuality. Live your life fully. It’s 2016 Baby. Make your love priority. Experience it if even for your own divinity and with or without a proper date take your own self to Church Lady. ~ Juls ❤
Juls lives in Costa Rica where she finds her inspiration in nature. She is the author of her award winning memoir, The Year of The Frog, a very adult fairy tale come true about her own journey seeking love.
Her newest book to be published soon, PachaMama Prattle is her most creative endeavor combining her love of nature, meditation, poetry and art.
Find her author works on Amazon under her pen name “Juls Amor”, a name she chose to honor her soul and her Mother’s maiden name “Love”.
Juls writes blogs dedicated to promoting healthy love and peace.
Listen to her podcast on podbean while it is still free.
Watch her LIVE on PeriscopeTV
Find her on Facebook under Juls Amor.